The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
