if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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