Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
