video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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