i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
