i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
