and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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