Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
