I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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