So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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