Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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