What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
