so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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