Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
