Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's rum buckets o'clock
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
