he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This baby is an asshole
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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