i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
