He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
