You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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