and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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