i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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