How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
