only if we run a train.
done.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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