Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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