Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The power of my boobs compel you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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