I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
