I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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