sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
