It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
