He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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