Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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