glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
