shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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