I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
