how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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