Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
