I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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