oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize