SEEEEXXX PLEASE
thus making me awesome and them whores
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
