Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
