you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
