It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
