So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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