I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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