youre lurking in front of me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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