my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
