You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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