awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
