As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
