I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
