it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
