a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
