I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
