He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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