If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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