At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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