Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
