What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
