oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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