I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
