Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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