I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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