My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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