did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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