In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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