Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
