White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
