he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
