Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
