Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
