I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize