I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
