This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
