Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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