nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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