u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
